I don’t mean to say we pursue a person with whom to have a relationship like prey to be overpowered and devoured. That might be someone’s idea of a good relationship, but it’s wrong on so many levels. What I want to look at is when there is an attraction on both sides, a clear field, and we only need to go forward to create attachment.
A friend of mine dated a man for several years then told him she needed to know what their status was. She told him she had never been involved with someone for so long without the relationship evolving into something permanent or ending. He proposed marriage, a second one for both of them. She accepted. And a few years later, their incompatibility obvious, he blamed her for forcing marriage on them.
Now, come on, she never held a gun to his head. All he had to say was that he wanted to live with her for a while or keep dating a little longer, or just have break-up sex and move on. But she pursued and he felt captured.
Robert Rabbin at Healthynet http://www.healthy.net/Health/Article/Pursuing_Relationships/1026 says and I agree that we must not pursue someone in the hopes that they will fill us up in whatever we think we were lacking. Attachment and dependency will grow in those cases, creating a lack of sound self-images for both parties. We have to be honest on what we want from the relationship and fulfill ourselves instead. This gives the other person the chance to do the same, creating a solid partnership between two healthy people.
Do you see how much conflict there is here for a writer to mine? Oodles and oodles of “You aren’t the woman I married” and “I thought you were like my father”. Maybe you will come in after a relationship has ended and the MC is learning to be honest about their self-image. Will he or she meet someone hiding similar issues and help them grow? Will they make the same mistakes again, but manage to work it out for a Happily Ever After?
Miss Solomon at The Dating Truth http://www.thedatingtruth.com/2013/04/if-you-want-a-relationship-let-men-pursue-you/ claims women deserve to be pursued and should not be the most active of the two. I think the problem here is if both interested parties are women and as she says it’s fine to set up the date, even pay for it, then when does the woman know to wait?
In the same vein, Kara Oh at SelfGrowth.com http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/3-reasons-why-you-should-not-pursue-a-man ends with you are missing out on how good it feels to be a woman. You know what? I’m thinking bull. People are people, with interesting differences, I admit, but gender should not be the reason for pursuing or not
Eric Charles of A New Mode said in a Marie Claire interview that “chasers” believe that happiness is somewhere in the future. http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a9877/chasing-men/ This is true of both sexes. If you relax and enjoy your life, you will be more attractive. Work on being the Right Person for you instead of pursuing Mr. Right. Meanwhile, go ahead and enjoy Mr. Right Now. Thanks for reading, I’ll be back on Sunday.