At some point in your life, you realize that the truth appears differently to different people. My memory used to above average and I can still recall the words to a song I learned in high school when I hear the opening notes. But did I learn that off of the radio or did I have the record? At least the truth there isn’t a matter of money or love or life or death.
“I love your purple hair!” “That dress is so pretty!” “You’re the best lover I have ever had.” Socially, we tell white lies to be diplomatic. My favorite one is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Translation: I just don’t like you.
According to Gail Saltz on Today’s Health and Wellness blog, http://www.today.com/health/why-people-lie-how-tell-if-they-are-2D80554952 we expect more honesty from our pastor or a scientist than we do from a politician or used car salesman. Because we want to trust our spiritual leaders and our intelligent people making the world a better place for humanity. We know not to trust the other people.
If you have fallen in love, or in a long-term relationship based on mutual love and passion, you have to trust the other person in the relationship. You HAVE to trust they are telling the truth when they tell you they love you. You have to trust that they are not having sex with anyone else and possibly bringing home sexually transmitted disasters. https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/lying-and-deception/why-lovers-lie.html
As expressed in the abbreviated version of the above-linked report, relationships come with interdependence. This means I can guilt my husband into attending a meeting with me that he does not want to sit through. It also means I will travel with him for 40 minutes each way to listen to people discuss fountain pens. And that leads to lying in some relationships.
Saying you have a splitting headache to get out of going to a business reception with your significant other is not so bad, really. Especially when your SO will be hurt if you say you just aren’t interested in how many widgets the company sold in the last quarter. But using the time the other person will be out to have phone sex, or to meet up with someone you met on-line, or to be involved in anything that you can’t be honest about, that’s a signal that the relationship is in trouble.
Here http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lying-why.php we see some reasons why people lie, what motivates a liar. Self-esteem is a big reason. If you are writing a character who lies, be sure to mention their lack of self-esteem as a motivation. And here’s my confession for the month. When I was in my mid-twenties, I was not dating, not in a relationship that I wanted to be in, and had very low self-esteem. I lived with a female roommate and we both got tired of others implying we were lesbians. Not that it would be a problem if it were the truth, but I felt it prevented interested men from approaching either of us. So we created a history. We were both of large size and many people could not tell us apart. So we told lots of people that we were twins who were separated at birth and just discovered each other in the last few years. We had a crazy name for our father, a Mr. Fritz-Wong, but I don’t remember much about any mother figure we invented.
The day when someone I cared about and whose opinion mattered to me, called me on the lie, the story ended. I learned a valuable lesson about life. Truthiness prevents things from biting you in the butt. Thanks for reading, I’ll be back on Sunday.