Advice to Heroines

Because I like a lot of pages on Facebook that have to do with Reading Romances and Writing Romances, my advertisements reflect that preference. I see so many premises, what you might call tropes, that I thought someone should make an attempt to help out the women in these predicaments. So here goes.

020217-secret-baby

1. Tell the baby daddy. Sure, in some historicals, keeping the father of your child in the dark about his role in the whole conception thing is what was done, but if you are a contemporary heroine, for the love of Nora Roberts, tell him it’s his baby! There are still ways to make the story work. Something that keeps them apart for years and years, like deployment or a scholarship to go to another country or amnesia. But he should know about his kid and want to be there when possible.

020217-relationship

2. Sex is fun, just don’t do it on the ballroom floor. Okay, this is for historical heroines mainly. At least go out into the rose garden before allowing the handsome and wealthy rake to touch you in that way. People will talk. Even in contemporary Romances, Public Displays of Affection are frowned upon. Reputations take more stretching these days, but in the end, it’s worth having a good one.

020217-sinful-abandon

3. If you are adopted and you can read peoples’ minds, or start a fire from across the room, or make bad people go away, you need to find out what’s up with that. Don’t just ignore it and go on with your life, or one day you will be smooching with Mr. Hot and Wonderful when BAM! You turn him into a newt. Not good. Probably not going to get many second dates that way. Find your birth records, find your baby scrapbook, do what you have to and find out who you are. ASAP.

020217-knight-girl

4. Time traveler? No problem, but be sure to bring back stuff that can help us all! If you are going forward, bring back the cure for cancer and the end of hunger. If you are going backward, PM me for a list of people whose parents should have done something besides give birth. Really, I need time to research this because some people need to have not existed but if they hadn’t existed, then their children and maybe other relatives might not exist and that could leave a gaping hole in the time maps.

020217-time-map

5. Don’t use your body for a bet or an agreement or an arrangement. Bet the house, arrange flowers, and agree to disagree, but don’t tell someone you secretly love that you will have sex with him if he’ll help you with physics finals. And don’t pretend to be married if you would never marry him. Imagine if Mr. Hot and Wonderful, still recovering from his newt phase, saw you with this guy. Your potential for his future attention would be disintegrated.

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This is all fun and games because I love secret baby Romances and finding out a girl is the heiress to a kingdom that you can only get to if you go into the walk-in refrigerator at Dairy Queen. In fact, as long as the story is well written, I can accept a wolf shifter in love with a vampire who time-and-space-travels. What can I say, I’m easy. Thanks for reading, I’ll be back on Sunday.

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